Strap-On Tools
Mom, just skip to the next post before I blush. Everyone else, be advised that the following link is "not safe for work!"

The late Molly Ivins stars in this hilarious video documenting the arcane, inane, insane laws that apply to "marital aids" in Texas. Read the accompanying text if you want, but don't miss the video.

As a bonus, the video also discusses the similarly ridiculous Texas sodomy laws. Keep watching; you'll love Molly's last line.

I miss Molly so much!

Labels: Texas

- posted by David Johnsen @ 4:57 AM 0 comments

 
Just in Time for Christmas: Wacky Christians
This story from Dallas is just too strange:

Campaign linking Bible, I-35 takes on sin with prayer marathon

From Duluth, Minn., to Laredo, Texas, houses of prayer are opening their doors around the clock to welcome those who have taken up the call to Light the Highway, a movement started by international ministry leader Cindy Jacobs. The idea for the Light the Highway movement began two years ago with Mrs. Jacobs – a self-proclaimed charismatic prophet and founder of the evangelical ministry General International, based in Red Oak. Mrs. Jacobs believes there's a correlation between Interstate 35 and the Bible verse Isaiah 35:8 (New International Version):

"And a highway will be there; it will be called the Way of Holiness. The unclean will not journey on it; it will be for those who walk in that Way; wicked fools will not go about on it."

As a result, there's a 35-day prayer marathon going on now that is intended to shine light on vice and sin – such as pornography, abortion, drug abuse, government corruption and workplace injustices – that participants believe are corrupting today's society, said Ryan Hennesy, the project's coordinator.

Actually, this story is a few weeks old; the marathon ended December 1. A few thoughts:

• If their goal is to get "wicked fools" off the highway, I guess I can support that. Can they pray over the Kennedy Expressway here in Chicago next?
• It's a good thing we have these people "to shine light on vice and sin." Otherwise, we'd never be able to find it when we need it.
• Notice that Mrs. Jacobs is a "self-proclaimed charismatic prophet." Heck, if that's all it takes, then I declare myself a prophet, too!
• Could Mrs. Jacobs have chosen a less descriptive name for her ministry than General International? It sounds like something out of a comic book, a company whose secret, sinister plan is to take over the world... Oh, now I get it.
• I wonder if Mrs. Jacobs ever considered that there could be a correlation between Isaiah 35:8 and Interstate 8 instead of Interstate 35. Repent, San Diego!

Many Protestants criticize the Roman Catholic Church for insisting on certain interpretations of Bible scripture. I think Mrs. Jacobs is a good example of why the Vatican believes such guidance is necessary.

UPDATE 12/23/2007 - Here is another story from the northern end of the "Holy Highway":

Many believers are convinced that the collapse of the bridge on Interstate 35W was a sign from God that more prayer is needed across the nation.

Of course, the bridge collapse was a sign from above. It was God's way of telling us the bridge was structurally deficient! I love the way people turn any old event into "prophesy" and use it to further their objectives. This article reminded me of something I read in The Onion's year-end issue last week: "Nation's Crumbling Infrastructure Probably Some Sort Of Metaphor."

Roadgeek trivia: What makes I-35 different from any other interstate? Answer posted in first comment.

Labels: highways, religion, Texas, weird news

- posted by David Johnsen @ 4:51 PM 1 comments

 
Molly Ivins, 1944-2007
I was saddened this morning to learn that Molly Ivins, one of my favorite columnists, died last night of breast cancer. An unabashed liberal, Ivins had a writing style all her own. She could make you laugh out loud with one sentence yet give you a thoughtful insight with the next. Her language was sprinkled with Texan slang. As her syndication editor writes today

Shortly after becoming editor of Molly's syndicated column, I learned one of my most important jobs was to tell her newspaper clients that, yes, Molly meant to write it that way. We called her linguistic peculiarities "Molly-isms." Administration officials were "Bushies," government was in fact spelled "guvment," business was "bidness." And if someone was "madder than a peach orchard boar," well, he was quite mad indeed.

Of course, having grown up in Texas, all of this made sense to me. But to newspaper editors in Seattle, Chicago, Detroit and beyond--Yankee land, as Molly would say--her folksy language could be a mystery. "That's just Molly being Molly," I would explain and leave it at that.

He explains the importance of her presence: "She was an authentic female voice on opinion pages across the country with her passionate and eloquent defense of the poorest and the weakest among us and her glee in exposing the corruption of the most powerful."

Ivins was a constant needle in the President's side, having co-authored Shrub: The Short but Happy Political Life of George W. Bush and Bushwhacked: Life in George W. Bush's America with Lou Dubose. Even as a nationwide syndicated columnist, she kept firmly rooted in Texan politics. An admonishment she often repeated was something along the lines of, "Trust me the next time I warn you not to vote for somebody from Texas." Regardless, Bush issued a statement late last night:

Molly Ivins was a Texas original. She was loved by her readers and by her many friends, particularly in Central Texas. I respected her convictions, her passionate belief in the power of words, and her ability to turn a phrase. She fought her illness with that same passion. Her quick wit and commitment to her beliefs will be missed. Laura and I send our condolences to Molly Ivins’ family and friends.

But Ivins wasn't strictly pro-Democrat either. She took pride in speaking truth to power. Her Associated Press obituary says

"The trouble with blaming powerless people is that although it's not nearly as scary as blaming the powerful, it does miss the point," she wrote in a 1997 column. "Poor people do not shut down factories ... Poor people didn't decide to use 'contract employees' because they cost less and don't get any benefits."

In an Austin speech last year, former President Clinton described Ivins as someone who was "good when she praised me and who was painfully good when she criticized me."

Ivins' columns stuck out in the conservative Chicago Tribune. I can recall many "letters to the editor" expressing outrage at her column. A Tribune editorial notes today that Ivins inspired love or vitriol depending on one's politics. It begins

For six years, the trenchant columns of Molly Ivins have raised Cain on the Commentary page of this newspaper. In that too-brief span of time, not one of the many fine writers who share that real estate infuriated so many Tribune readers--or won the adoration of so many others.

When her column didn't appear, the former group had a good blood-pressure day, and the latter group suspected that, yep, it finally had happened: A newspaper that had twice endorsed the American president she most loathed had squelched her column. The great right-wing conspiracy had caught up with Molly.

If only. That would have been the better fate.

In fact, her illness was the reason her columns were sporadic recently. In an interview with the San Antonio Express-News last fall, she gave a decidedly un-Lance-Armstrong-like perspective of her disease: "I'm sorry to say (cancer) can kill you, but it doesn't make you a better person." Still, cancer had to take three shots at Ivins to bring her down, beginning in 1999.

The Texas Observer, where Ivins served as co-editor in the 1970s, has turned its Web site into a tribute to her. She supported the newspaper long after she moved on to bigger venues:

She remained convinced that Texas needed a progressive, independent voice to call the powerful to account and to stand up for the common folk. She kept our voice alive. More than once, when the paper was on the brink of insolvency, she delivered speeches and gave us the honorariums. She donated royalties from her best-selling book Shrub to keep the doors open. Her determination and efforts sustained the Observer as a magazine, as a family, and as a community.

Some of her work is collected here.

It's been written more than once that Ivins wouldn't want us to mourn her passing. As the Tribune put it, "You can bet, too, that there'll be quite a party in Austin, because Molly would want that and probably left instructions." Among them is likely a command to use her many awards as trivets, which she often did. When her editor asked her about this, she replied, "Well, what else am I going to do with 'em?"

Labels: Texas, tributes

- posted by David Johnsen @ 9:43 AM 0 comments

 
The Hammer Gets Nailed
After years of mischief, House Majority Leader Tom DeLay is finally getting his due. He was indicted today by a Texas grand jury for conspiracy in a campaign finance scheme. It's probably the least of his sins, and I'd love nothing (well, okay, one thing) more than to see this guy hang for his crimes.

Notice how DeLay keeps ripping on Ronnie Earle, the Travis County District Attorney. He is trying to frame this as a partisan issue. But wait... although he is a Democrat, Earle has prosecuted many more Democrats than he has Republicans. That doesn't sound like the record of a party hack; it sounds more like the work of a rare crusader against corrupt politicians. DeLay is going after Earle because he doesn't have a good defense. Besides,

The grand jury's foreman, William Gibson, told The Associated Press that Earle didn't pressure members one way or the other. "Ronnie Earle didn't indict him. The grand jury indicted him," Gibson told The Associated Press in an interview at his home.

Good point! I wonder if the Republicans will create another media diversion a la Terry Schiavo to draw attention away from this. One may recall that the heat was on DeLay for his ethical bankruptcy when the Schiavo battle conveniently pushed him off page one. To follow the DeLay story from a slightly biased point of view, check out The Daily DeLay.

Labels: Texas, US politics

- posted by David Johnsen @ 4:54 PM 0 comments

 
Put Willie's Name On The Road Again!
As if Texans Bush and DeLay aren't causing enough trouble for our country, two Republican Texas state senators are standing in the way of a proposal to name an Austin highway for Willie Nelson. Although he isn't my favorite Texan musician, Willie holds a legendary position in the canon of Texas music. For that reason alone he should get a highway, just like Alabama has a Hank Williams Memorial Lost Highway (alas, that road wasn't designated until 44 years after Hank's death). But no, these darned fuddy-duddy Republicans don't want a Willie Nelson "On The Road Again" Highway (or whatever they were going to call it) to run through their little fiefdoms.

According to the article, the no-fun Repubs complained about Nelson's "fondness for drinking and smoking, and active campaigning for Democratic candidates." Drinking? Do they want to bring back Prohibition, too? That worked so well the first time. And Hank's reputation for drinking certainly didn't stop Alabama from honoring him. Smoking? Well, the article dances around the issue with that single word. I'm sure what they oppose is his marijuana smoking. He even does public service announcements for NORML that argue for decriminalization and legalization (NORML calls Willie "our most beloved marijuana smoker"). Heaven forbid they name a highway after a pot smoker! (For the record, I have never smoked pot, and I really don't care either way about the issue.)

As for Nelson campaigning for Democrats, why don't you just grow up, you partisan hacks! Besides, most good musicians are Democrats (as opposed to the rah-rah, flag-waving suck-ups in Nashville), and a founder of Farm Aid like Willie couldn't sleep at night supporting the big business party (I know the Dems take a good chunk of change from corporations, but the Republicans, particularly the two mentioned at the beginning of this post, have raised corporate butt-kissing to an artform).

And before anyone offers the "he's not dead yet" argument, note that the state legislature designated a Nolan Ryan Expressway in Brazoria County in 1995. There is also a Nolan Ryan Expressway in Arlington (I'm not sure who named it) running past the stadium that Bush built with taxpayer money as part-owner of the Texas Rangers. Did I mention that Ryan is a Republican? I recognize that Ryan's strikeouts and no-hitters have nothing to do with that. Why can't these state senators see that Nelson's singing and songwriting achievements (not to mention his general reputation as a Texas icon) have little to do with his politics? Let Willie have his highway!

Labels: highways, Texas

- posted by David Johnsen @ 12:57 PM 0 comments