Lyrics of the Day
In "Women Without Whiskey", Mike Cooley of the Drive-By Truckers ponders love and liquor:

If morning's a bitch with open arms, then night's a girl who's gone too far.
Whiskey is harder to keep than a woman and it's half as sweet,
but women without whiskey?
Women without whiskey?
Whiskey is hard to beat.
Whiskey is hard to beat.

Much to the dismay of 12-steppers everywhere, the booze wins.

Labels: alcohol, lyrics

- posted by David Johnsen @ 11:55 PM 0 comments

 
Economically Stimulated
This morning: Received economic stimulus rebate via direct deposit.

Tonight: Hookers and booze!

Labels: alcohol, economics

- posted by David Johnsen @ 8:09 PM 0 comments

 
Absinthe Makes the Heart Grow Fonder
Advertising Age notes that the greatest impediment to selling absinthe may now be its strongest selling point:

Aspiring absinthe marketers spent the last few years trying to convince government regulators that the mystique surrounding the long-banned liquor -- cited as the cause of Vincent Van Gogh's madness and even linked to murders -- was mostly urban legend that ought to be disregarded.

Now that the wormwood-based liquor is being marketed legally again, look for those same marketers to raise that mystique at every opportunity.

The spirit was banned in 1912, but the newly approved imports "have levels of thujone -- the hallucination-inspiring chemical that derives from wormwood -- that are below the long-held government limit." I'm sure the importers don't want you to know that.

Labels: advertising, alcohol

- posted by David Johnsen @ 11:12 PM 0 comments

 
Grab a 40!
This morning I've been researching 40-ounce malt liquors (you're probably wondering where I come up with these ideas; I wish I could say it's for a copywriting job, but it's not). Wikipedia is a good place to get the basics. In fact, this is the sort of topic where Wikipedia excels -- when it comes to pop culture, the Encyclopedia Brittanica usually falls short. For anyone who doesn't get the "point" of 40-ounce malt liquors, this spells it out:

While ordinary beers in the United States average around 5% alcohol by volume, malt liquors typically range from 6% up to 9% alcohol by volume... American domestic "malt liquors" tend to be very inexpensive, although this is not necessarily true for foreign imports that are also labeled "malt liquor".

That's it -- a cheap buzz. For that reason 40s are associated with ghetto drunks, but that's an unfair stereotype. Kihm Winship's excellent, detailed history of the 40 explains

...While black Americans comprise 12-14% of the population, they consume 30-33% of the malt liquor brewed in the U.S. The statistic is important for two reasons. First, it shows why brewers of malt liquor advertise more heavily to black people: As a group, they buy more malt liquor. The second important fact is that if a third of all malt liquor is consumed by black Americans, two thirds are consumed by people who are not black.

The bottom line: cheap drunks come in all races. Further down that page is a lengthy discussion of charges that malt liquors are some sort of conspiracy against the black community.

I have to admit that when it comes to brand names, sometimes I confuse my cheap wines and malt liquors (look here for cheap wines). I guess I don't spend enough time perusing liquor stores. Adding to the confusion, some regular beers are sold in the 40-ounce size, including Budweiser and PBR. But when DMX raps about drinkin' 40s, he's not a Bud man.

Like everything else on this planet, 40s have inspired a community. Here's a guy who has collected 550 different bottles. The same site shows dozens of drinkers in their 20s enjoying their 40s and acting stupid.

Finally, I'll leave you with a favorite story. When I consulted downtown, I often went to White Hen Pantry (a convenience store) to pick up a quick lunch. One day I saw a man mosey up to the register and place his lunch on the counter: a 40-ounce King Cobra malt liquor... and a salad! Now that's healthy living!

Labels: alcohol

- posted by David Johnsen @ 11:21 AM 0 comments

 
Drinking Yourself To Death - A New Variation
Leave it to The Smoking Gun to spread the latest techniques in alcohol ingestion. A frightening-looking Texas woman gave her husband a sherry enema and killed him. An article in the Houston Chronicle quotes a police detective: "I heard of this kind of thing in mortuary school in 1970, but this is the first time I've ever heard of someone actually doing it."

Upon further research, I found that alcohol enemas are just new to me (somehow the Internet always makes me feel naive). In a widely circulated article, Jay Wiseman explains the danger, just in case you were considering this method for your next bender. Apparently, it's a great way to keep that pesky liver from weakening your buzz:

When we drink alcohol (or take medications) by mouth, and they are absorbed into our bloodstream, they are taken by a network of veins called the portal venous system directly to our liver and usually at least partially metabolized. This is called "first-pass effect." The veins of the stomach, small intestine, and most of large intestine drain via the portal venous system. However, there are two small veins at the very end of the rectum (called the middle and inferior rectal veins) that drain _directly_ into the veins of the systemic circulatory system -- thus, anything absorbed via this route goes directly into the main circulation without being subjected to first-pass effect.

If you are still itching to try this despite the risks, the same web site offers detailed instructions for both warm red wine and beer (what better way to enjoy the Super Bowl?). In fact, they give instructions for just about anything you could imagine putting in a bag and squirting in your bum, even Mountain Dew (more like Mountain Ewwww) . And while Mae West may have said, "When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before," she apparently had a favorite enema that she tried again and again.

And If you are still considering this for your next frat party, be advised that a man gave himself a vodka enema and got severe colitis.

Doing research for this blog entry has proven to be even more disturbing than the original story.

Labels: alcohol

- posted by David Johnsen @ 12:49 PM 1 comments

 
Tension
When my wife left for work this evening, I told her I was going to sit in front of the TV with a bottle of Scotch and watch the election results. I've had a bad feeling about Kerry's chances today (I did my part, of course), so I added that she'd probably come home at 2 AM to find me wallowing in a puddle of urine and vomit. Not a pretty picture, but this hasn't been a pretty campaign, either.

Instead of watching TV, I decided to track the results online as I worked on other things. Multi-tasking helped me keep my sanity. I made it to 12:30 AM before I had to open the liquor cabinet. With Bush frighteningly close to re-election, I cracked. I didn't even use a snifter; I just picked out the least favorite single malt in my collection (Tomatin--never buy whisky based on the unique shape of the bottle) and drank a healthy serving from a plain glass. This wasn't about savoring a fine malt--it was all about dulling my senses. I chased it with half a shot of 12-year Highland Park just for good measure. It worked. I'm ready for the next few hours, as long as I don't fall asleep. I just hope I don't have to do this for the next four years.

Labels: alcohol

- posted by David Johnsen @ 1:25 AM 0 comments