Occupational Hazard
It's going to be a very long day.

There aren't many occupational hazards in copywriting. Off hand, carpal tunnel syndrome and some other ergonomic injuries come to mind, but that's about it. I don't even leave the house most of the time; I've only had one face-to-face meeting with a client. But there is at least one other hazard.

My brother is coming over in less than three hours. We are going to watch a movie this afternoon (on VHS, how retro!), and then we're going to a concert at 7 PM (Patterson Hood of the Drive-By Truckers). I'll probably be home by 10:00, but it will still be a long day. I've had one hour of sleep since 2 PM yesterday.

Last night I went out to dinner at Rockwell's down the block. I had a couple of bowls of chicken tortilla soup and about five glasses of Coke. I came home buzzed on caffeine and ready to work on a copywriting project that's due early next week. By the time I settled in at the computer, I figured I could work for a couple of hours and then get a solid seven or eight hours of sleep before my brother arrived.

There was just one "problem." I was on fire. I mean, I was kicking some serious rewriting and copyediting butt all over those brochures. Five productive hours later, I had to force myself to go downstairs to bed.

Still buzzed, I had trouble falling asleep. I finally did, but only an hour later, I awoke to use the bathroom. I couldn't fall asleep again. I'll probably crash around 3:00 this afternoon, but there's nothing I can do except have a few toothpicks handy to pry open my eyelids. Later, the excitement of the concert should keep me awake.

But given the chance, I wouldn't do anything differently. That's the nature of creative work -- when you're on a roll, you have to ride it out as far as it will take you. You never know when that inspiration will come again. It may not return until long after the project is due.

Labels: copywriting

- posted by David Johnsen @ 9:13 AM 0 comments

 
Bastard of the Day
I got an e-mail recently from someone wishing to exchange links with my copywriting Web site. While this seemed like a friendly gesture that supposedly would boost my search engine ranking, I smelled a rat. First of all, he offered to put my link on a page that I could not access from elsewhere on his site; I can't see how a search engine spider would ever even find it.

But the most galling thing was the content of his site, which was written in broken English -- it was encouraging businesses to outsource their copywriting to India! I yelled so loud at my screen that my wife thought something terrible had happened. One major reason I abandoned information technology was the outsourcing of work to Indian companies at rock-bottom rates. In fact, my later years in IT were devoting to fixing the garbage those cut-rate Indian programmers generated.

Now this guy expects me to help him get work for Indian copywriters. Why would I want to encourage my potential clients to hire Indian hacks instead?

Labels: bastards, copywriting

- posted by David Johnsen @ 4:40 AM 2 comments

 
Avoid the Obvious

Which menus would you find easily in a drawer?

The lesson is clear: avoid the obvious when designing menus, brochures, flyers, etc. The last thing you want is to blend in and be confused with your competitors. Take a good look at them before choosing your own motif. And for goodness' sake, please have someone proofread your menu before printing. I'm leery of ordering a pizza from someone who can't spell pepperoni.

* More accurately, an American interpretation of an authentic Italian dining experience.

Labels: copywriting, design

- posted by David Johnsen @ 11:39 AM 0 comments

 
Do They Mean That?
While researching lodging in Montana, I came across this description for the Nez Perce Motel in Wisdom, MT:

The Nez Perce is a very clean, eight unit motel situated at the crossroads of the scenic Big Hole Valley of Wisdom. It provides rooms for tourists, fisherman, sportsmen, and other outdoor extremists.

For clarity, I would change it to "situated at the crossroads of Wisdom in the scenic Big Hole Valley" (it's not the "Big Hole Valley of Wisdom"). But more importantly, notice the tail end of that quotation. Outdoor extremists? Yikes! Wisdom is near the Idaho border, and both states are known for separatist groups. So when I think of outdoor extremists, I'm picturing heavily armed men in camouflage living off the land with questionable allegiance to the U.S. government. Surely enthusiasts would have been a better word.

One could argue that they are trying to cash in on "extreme sports," except the context isn't quite right -- the word "other" would imply that tourists, fishermen, and sportsmen also participate in extreme sports. But I've never seen trout fishing in a Mountain Dew commercial.

Because of the location and high-speed Internet access, I might stay at the Nez Perce Motel this summer regardless of the outdoor extremists. I'll let you know what I find.

Labels: copywriting, language

- posted by David Johnsen @ 12:00 PM 1 comments

 
Why I Love My Job
A longtime client called today. His first question was, "Can you write about clitorises?"

Surely my cell phone was malfunctioning. He didn't just say that. Did he?

One of the first things I learned about copywriting is pretty obvious in retrospect, though I hadn't really thought about it before: Every word you read was written by somebody. That means every brochure, sales letter, billboard, catalog, instruction manual, Web page, print ad, and product package. Much of that material is written by copywriters. So it's inevitable that a copywriter somewhere has to write the words that appear on a box containing a "female pleasure enhancement" product. And today, that copywriter is me!

Labels: copywriting

- posted by David Johnsen @ 6:23 PM 0 comments

 
Performance Bicycle Copywriter Blows It
This week I received a promotional e-mail from Performance Bicycle. The subject line said it all: "Just Added - 4 Day Only Blowouts."

Hurry in to your Lincoln Park Performance Bicycle and save on even more incredible gear during our Spring Fever Sale! Now through Sunday - 4 days only - we've added some incredible blowouts to our massive Spring Fever Sale! Check out these incredible 4-day only Blowouts!

Doesn't it sound like they are advertising really lousy tubes or tires? Personally, I expect to get at least a solid week out of mine, and I would prefer a simple flat instead of a blowout. If Goodyear or Firestone advertised "4 Day Only Blowouts," would you shop there? Maybe Performance Bicycle should hire a copywriter who thinks about these things!

Labels: copywriting

- posted by David Johnsen @ 12:53 AM 1 comments