No More "Happy Endings"
From today's Alderman Schulter Reports e-mail:

Alderman Schulter is pleased to announce that, after requesting an investigation on a local business operating without a proper business license, Cook County Sherriff Tom Dart arrested four individuals in connection to a prostitution ring operated out of Bamboo Massage at 4351 N. Western Avenue. This establishment has now been officially shut down.

If you think about it for a moment, this really shouldn't have been too difficult to figure out. What is bamboo? According to Wikipedia, it's "the fastest growing woody plant in the world." Essentially, this local business of ill repute was named "Woody Massage."

Labels: crime, Lincoln Square

- posted by David Johnsen @ 5:07 PM 0 comments

 
Hats Off to Dorothy!
Former -- dare I say legendary -- Chicago alderman Dorothy Tillman was arrested for criminal trespassing in Montgomery, AL today after an altercation at the hospital where her elderly aunt was being treated. Tillman stated, "They knocked me down on the ground. They knocked my hat off..."

Whoa! Stop right there. You do not knock off this lady's hat. It's in that Jim Croce song:

You don't tug on Superman's cape
You don't spit into the wind
You don't pull the mask off the old Lone Ranger
And you don't knock off Dorothy's hat, da do da do...

"One of them put his knees on my spine and threatened to Taser me," she continued. Ouch, that sounds a bit harsh considering Tillman is 60 years old and, as far as I can tell, does not take steroids or HGH. Then the officers put her in "leg chains and shackles." Those Montgomery police don't mess around! She's probably still on their list from her civil rights days. At least she wasn't packing heat today like she did in the City Council.

Labels: Chicago, crime

- posted by David Johnsen @ 11:16 PM 0 comments

 
Lyrics of the Day
I've been a fan of Todd Snider for a long time. Although he may be associated more with Nashville or Austin, he was born in Portland, Oregon. He has written a handful of songs reflecting his Oregon roots, and one is about legendary airplane hijacker D.B. Cooper. On November 24, 1971, Cooper hijacked a flight from Portland, landed at Seattle-Tacoma Airport to collect a $200,000 ransom and four parachutes, made the plane take off again, and then made his escape by jumping out of the Boeing 727 somewhere northwest of Portland. He was never found, and speculation about his real identity and whether he survived has run rampant over the years.

In "D.B. Cooper," Snider sings about watching coverage of the extensive manhunt on TV as a kid (taking the liberty of making himself eight years old when actually he was only five) and imagines a conversation with Cooper:

But he told me that the hardest part wasn't really jumping out of the plane
It was spending the night watching those lights
Shine through the pouring rain

It was a very thorough search; the F.B.I. found two bodies, but they were people who had been missing for years. Snider ponders Cooper's fate, and in the end he's rooting for the outlaw:

Now some people say that he died up there somewhere in the rain and the wind
Other people say that he got away but his girlfriend did him in
The lawmen say if he is out there someday they're gonna bring him in
As for me, I hope they never see D.B. Cooper again

The D.B. Cooper case is "the only unsolved domestic skyjacking in U.S. history." The Wikipedia entry gives a good overview of the hijacking and potential suspects, but Court TV's Crime Library probably has the most extensive narrative online.

Labels: crime, lyrics

- posted by David Johnsen @ 2:21 AM 0 comments

 
Identity Theft Paranoia
"Is it okay to put return address labels through the paper shredder? Or will the adhesive cause trouble?"

"Uh, why would you shred return address labels?" I asked.

"Well, I'm worried about identity theft."

I won't say who recently asked me this question, but it is a fine example of the paranoia spawned by the media surrounding the crime of the new millennium, identity theft. They say people are going through garbage cans to get personal information, and the next thing you know, someone is afraid to casually toss out anything so "personal" as an address.

I replied, "If all they needed was an address to steal your identity, they would use the phone book!"

Labels: crime

- posted by David Johnsen @ 8:47 PM 0 comments

 
Political Vandalism
An article in today's Tribune talks about how Bush-Cheney signs are being vandalized at a rate unprecedented in political history. The GOP actually held a press conference downtown to discuss the theft and destruction of campaign signs. Slow news day, huh? Excuse me while I laugh myself silly. The tone of the article is so hysterical, it is ridiculous:

In Gurnee, Simpson said, someone got out of a car and ripped up a Bush-Cheney sign in a front yard as two young children played outside.

Oh no! Not in front of the children! I'm sure they'll be traumatized for life.

State Senator Kirk Dillard (R-Hinsdale) said, "We're talking about something that is a federal and state hate crime." The Tribune reported this without noting that he is wrong. According to my police officer wife, "hate crime" laws only cover crimes based on race, religion, gender or sexual orientation. Maybe tearing down the Cheney sign is a hate crime because his daughter is a lesbian? Dillard could argue that this is a free speech issue, but it is not a hate crime. People just love to throw that term around, as if there is such a thing as a "love crime."

Incidentally, Democrats reported similar cases regarding Kerry-Edwards signs, but they didn't see any need to call a press conference to whine about it.

I am surprised that the GOP didn't mention the vandalism on stop signs in my neighborhood: "BUSH" stenciled in white paint below the word "STOP." No, it wasn't me.

Labels: crime, Illinois politics

- posted by David Johnsen @ 12:04 PM 0 comments

 
Fines For Marijuana
This is the best idea I've heard in a long time. A Chicago police sergeant has suggested that the city should ticket people for possessing small amounts of marijuana rather than arresting them:

Sgt. Tom Donegan said he has long been fed up with making arrests for possession of small amounts of the drug, only to see judges later drop the charges. He said that court records from last year indicate that 94 percent of the 6,954 Chicago cases involving marijuana amounts smaller than 2.5 grams were dismissed, as were 81 percent of the cases involving from 2.5 to 10 grams. Donegan said assessing fines of $250 for possession of 10 grams or less would have raised $5 million for the city's coffers in 2003.

This proposition was announced the same day that City Hall suggested raising taxes on gasoline and natural gas. The problem with a gasoline tax is that people leave the city to buy gas (the city already charges an extra five cents). As for natural gas, since most Chicagoans heat their homes with it, an added tax there would be like a back-door real estate tax increase. The marijuana proposal is a better alternative. Not only would it increase city revenue (and cut the expense of paying police to go to court for cases that are thrown out), but it would take a burden off the courts, too, to the tune of 27-28 cases a day (6,954 cases divided by 250 weekdays). One addition I would suggest to prevent this from being abused by those who can afford the fines is a limit similar to speeding tickets: after a certain number of tickets, the offender should be arrested. Theoretically, a judge would be less likely to throw out a case knowing that the offender has violated the law several times to even end up in court.

Of course, as someone who uses lots of natural gas, some gasoline, and no marijuana, I could be biased. The city would never approve of it anyway. I predict that this is the first and last we will ever hear of this proposal.

[UPDATE 09/22/04]
I guess I was wrong. The Sun-Times has a front page story today about Mayor Daley's support for "pot tickets."

Labels: Chicago, crime, drugs

- posted by David Johnsen @ 2:55 PM 0 comments