A Tale of Two Critics
Two of my favorite pop culture critics are Chuck Klosterman and Joe Queenan. I read books from both this month.

Chuck Klosterman IV: A Decade of Curious People and Dangerous Ideas by Chuck Klosterman - This is a collection of essays divided into three categories: Things That Are True, Things That Might Be True, and Something That Isn't True At All. The first section consists of previously published articles covering music, movies, and sports. The middle section contains opinion pieces that appeared mostly in Spin and Esquire. The last part is a short story, perhaps a "feeler" to see how the public would receive Klosterman's then-forthcoming debut novel (the paperback edition includes an excerpt from Downtown Owl). I don't always share Klosterman's opinions and taste -- heck, the guy's favorite band is KISS -- but I enjoy his writing immensely. He even makes basketball sound interesting, and I hate basketball. My only complaint about IV is the publisher's decision to include extra material in the paperback edition. This is a big f-you to everyone who paid more for the hardcover edition. Out of spite, I sat in a Borders this week and read all the new essays, which are mostly in the Things That Might Be True section. As much as I like Klosterman, I'm not going to buy the same book twice. Note: I wouldn't expect anyone to actually buy the now-obsolete hardcover edition, but I included it below anyway.

Red Lobster, White Trash, and the Blue Lagoon: Joe Queenan's America by Joe Queenan - As a longtime cultural snob, Queenan decides to immerse himself in the worst our country has to offer for an entire year. He goes to Broadway shows like Cats. He listens to Michael Bolton and Kenny G. He reads books by Joan Collins and V.C. Andrews. He watches movies starring Adam Sandler and Demi Moore. He dines at Sizzler and the Olive Garden. He visits Las Vegas and Branson. And of course, he skewers them all with the mischievous, sarcastic wit I've come to expect from Queenan. But suddenly, he starts to like all this crap. Instead of recoiling, he begins seeking out and reveling in the pop cultural junk of the masses. Although these are easy targets, Queenan's wicked critiques are hilarious. As a book, however, Red Lobster isn't great. The plot is weak and predictable. The copyright page reveals that several chapters were originally magazine articles, which explains the book's patched-together construction. And in the end, it's a lot of snark without much insight about what makes something bad or good.

This month I've been trying to clean up DJWriter World Headquarters. About 90% of the books I've read and reviewed this year are still in my office, as well as stacks from the past several years (books that I reviewed as well as books that I meant to review). It has reached the point where I can barely fit between the piles, and one of the cats is always knocking them down. Perhaps the best way to sum up these two books is to say that I enjoyed reading both, but Chuck Klosterman IV is going on a bookshelf while Red Lobster, White Trash, and the Blue Lagoon is going in a box for my next visit to an used book store.

Current tally: 73 books finished, 65 books acquired

Labels: books, movies, music, pop culture

- posted by David Johnsen @ 1:55 AM 0 comments

 
Movies & Money
A Year at the Movies: One Man's Filmgoing Odyssey by Kevin Murphy - The author used to be on Mystery Science Theater 3000, a TV show where a man and two robots made wisecracks as they watched the worst movies of all time. For the year 2001, he turned his obsession with film into a daily ritual. This book isn't about movies, though; it's about watching movies. Although Murphy lists every movie he sees, he doesn't necessarily write about them. Instead, A Year at the Movies is a collection of essays/rants about what's good and bad about the celluloid world, particularly the movie-going experience. Each week is a chapter, and each has a theme such as documentaries, in-flight movies, IMAX, and even sneaking in food. I very rarely see movies in theaters (three times since 1997!), but I enjoyed Murphy's humorous and thoughtful observations nonetheless.

What Happens to a Torn Dollar Bill?: Dr. Knowledge Presents Facts, Figures, and Other Fascinating Information About Money by Charles Reichblum - This book cost me one untorn dollar at Half Price Books. Reichblum shares a lot of interesting trivia and quotations about money. Unfortunately, there isn't enough material to fill the book's 320 pages. I read only a few pages per day over the course of two months (reading to my wife while she got ready for work), and I noticed a lot of redundancy.

Current tally: 68 books finished, 62 books acquired

Labels: books, movies

- posted by David Johnsen @ 5:30 PM 0 comments

 
Operation Hollywood: How the Pentagon Shapes and Censors the Movies
This book by David L. Robb is a real eye-opener. It explores the influence the Pentagon exerts on filmmakers who use military equipment or bases in their movies. If a movie's credits thank the armed forces for assistance, there's a good chance the Department of Defense (DoD) edited the script. The military has played a similar role in certain TV programs. JAG is an obvious one, but even Lassie and The Mickey Mouse Club were altered by the DoD.

What the DoD really wants are recruiting films, rah-rah stories like Top Gun that make teenagers enlist. The Pentagon film office examines the script and sends the producer a list of changes that must be made. Sometimes it's just a few lines of dialogue, often it's a scene or two, but occasionally the entire story is rejected. Films that address racism or sexism are unlikely to get support (because, of course, those do not exist in the U.S. military!). Even when history is on the filmmaker's side, the military will insist on its own version of events. To get DoD approval, a movie must show the military in a positive light. Without approval, a movie will cost millions more to make (although the producers pay to use military resources, it's cheaper than fabricating their own), or the entire project may be abandoned. Politics and business relationships come into play as well -- a studio would rather kill a movie that criticizes the military than jeopardize future DoD cooperation on other projects.

Some may view this as a logical quid pro quo -- you can use our toys as long as you don't make us look bad. But it is more insidious than that. At best, it's propaganda. At worst, it's censorship. The author argues that Congress is violating the Constitution whenever it passes appropriations bills to fund the Pentagon film office ("Congress shall make no law... abridging the freedom of speech...").

Robb cites dozens of examples of Pentagon-movie industry conflicts, talking to people on both sides and reproducing documents that dictate changes to filmmakers. He provides enough background that I enjoyed the book without having seen many of the films discussed. For those that I have seen, it was fascinating to learn how different the original scripts were. After reading Operation Hollywood, I may never be able to watch a war movie again without wondering whether it was edited by the Pentagon.

Current tally: 25 books finished, 25 books acquired

Labels: books, military, movies

- posted by David Johnsen @ 7:42 PM 0 comments

 
Lyrics of the Day
I told you there would be more Tom Russell lyrics to come. My favorite Russell CD so far -- aside from some awesome concert recordings of him with longtime accompanist Andrew Hardin -- is Borderland, which includes many songs about the Rio Grande region. Yesterday's song, "Tonight We Ride," would have fit in perfectly, but Borderland leads off with another powerful song, "Touch Of Evil." The song is inspired by the 1958 movie of the same name.

Orson Welles directed Touch Of Evil but got booted off the project by Universal during post-production. When he was allowed to see what his replacement, Harry Keller, had done with the movie, Welles wrote a 58-page memo detailing the changes he would make. The memo has become Hollywood legend, and Touch Of Evil was reedited in the 1990s to be truer to his vision. Another notable thing about the movie is that Charlton Heston was cast as a Mexican (originally, Janet Leigh, who played his wife, was supposed to be Mexican, which would have been just as odd). In fact, despite being set in a Mexican border town, the movie used few Hispanic actors, but I suppose that was typical for 1950s Hollywood.

Of course, after hearing the song I had to rent the movie from Netflix. It sounded like the sort of movie I would enjoy. Film noir is one of my favorite genres, and the only other Welles film I've seen is the brilliant Citizen Kane. Alas, I was disappointed by Touch Of Evil. As I expected from Welles, there was some fantastic cinematography with unusual camera angles and such. But I had a hard time figuring out what was going on most of the time; I felt like I was watching the movie in a fog (it didn't help that my sleep habits have been completely screwed up since my wife started working midnights a few weeks ago -- I've been doing everything in a fog). There were some great lines and memorable moments, but I'd probably have to watch it a few more times to "get" it. Even as I write this, I'm feeling a little guilty, like I should have watched it again before mailing it back to Netflix.

Russell interlaces scenes from Touch Of Evil with the tale of a broken long-term relationship, the chorus pleading, "Why don't you touch me anymore?" Although the movie was set in a fictional border town, Russell sets this song, like several on Borderland, in Juarez.

The night my baby left me I crossed the bridge to Juarez Avenue
Like that movie Touch of Evil I got the Orson Welles, Marlene Dietrich blues
Where Orson walks into the whorehouse and Marlene says "Man, you look like hell"
And Orson's chewing on a chocolate bar as the lights go on in the old Blue Star Hotel
"Read my future" says old Orson, "down inside the tea leaves of your cup"
And she says "You ain't got no future, Hank, I believe your future's all used up"

As it turned out, that poignant and prescient line was my favorite in the entire movie. It's toward the end, so I had to wait for a long time to hear it (the lyrics aren't exactly the same as in the movie, but close enough).

Labels: lyrics, movies

- posted by David Johnsen @ 2:33 AM 0 comments

 
Lyrics of the Day
Last night we watched Racing Stripes. It was a fun movie with a predictably upbeat conclusion and a positive message about believing in oneself and being whatever you want to be. In other words, it was an unusual selection for a cynical bastard like me. When I see a feel-good children's movie like this, I inevitably wind up depressed about how life isn't full of happy endings. I think that's the real reason people have kids -- to try to remember what it was like to be happy and innocent, and to forget how cynical we all become as adults.

Much to my parents' disappointment, that's not a good enough reason for me to have kids. It wouldn't work anyway. I'd just project my own dark attitudes on them, and they'd turn out to be the moodiest tikes in the history of the world.

Before this devolves into a pathetic Bob Greene-esque column reminiscing about the good old days of youth that never existed, let's get to the lyrics. Tom Waits' "I Don't Wanna Grow Up" naturally comes to mind:

When I'm lyin' in my bed at night
I don't wanna grow up
Nothin' ever seems to turn out right
I don't wanna grow up
How do you move in a world of fog
That's always changing things
Makes me wish that I could be a dog
When I see the price that you pay
I don't wanna grow up
I don't ever wanna be that way
I don't wanna grow up

Okay, I'm heading over to Netflix to promote some grim documentary to the top of my queue. Somehow, seeing the worst of the real world doesn't bother me as much as yearning for an idealized, nonexistent one. I have lower standards for reality.

Labels: lyrics, movies

- posted by David Johnsen @ 10:55 PM 0 comments

 
They Drive By Night
Last night we watched They Drive By Night, an old-time trucker movie from 1940 directed by Raoul Walsh. I am rarely disappointed by noir classics, and this was no exception. I gave it five stars at Netflix, though someone less enamored with the genre might give it four. George Raft and Humphrey Bogart are brothers trying to make it in the cut-throat trucking business. They meet waitress Ann Sheridan at a roadside diner (great scene with salty, uh, pre-feminist dialogue) and cross her path again on the road. Ida Lupino turns up a bit later, and she has a past with Raft's character. The action includes accidents ranging from surprisingly minor (the first, where the truck slams into a tree and needs only a new wheel) to utterly horrific. I suppose the ending is predictable, but there are some great twists getting there. And Lupino's final scene is unforgettable.

DVD special features: The documentary about the movie is brief but excellent. The Swingtime in the Movies short is pretty goofy, although there are amusing cameos. Don't miss the doc, but you can skip Swingtime (not to be confused with Swing Time starring Fred Astaire & Ginger Rogers, of course). The theatrical trailer is also included, but I don't care much for trailers (they usually just spoil the movie by giving away the best parts).

Bogart is only billed fourth -- this was before he became a big star. The accompanying documentary points out that Bogart had been making movies regularly for ten years and was getting frustrated. Indeed, his character in They Drive By Night fades into the background. He was on the cusp of greatness, however. The next year he starred in High Sierra and The Maltese Falcon followed by Casablanca, becoming a Hollywood legend.

Labels: movies

- posted by David Johnsen @ 2:04 PM 0 comments

 
The Doors
Last night was "Doors night" at our house. First we watched Oliver Stone's film, The Doors. Then we watched it again with Stone's commentary. After 4-1/2 hours of watching the band, I was surprised my wife was willing to go for the ultimate -- listening to all six of the Doors' studio albums back to back.

The movie should have been called Jim Morrison instead of The Doors. Clearly Stone was focused on Morrison, and the rest of the band doesn't get enough coverage to be worthy of mention. Most notably, there is no clue as to how Morrison and Ray Manzarek found and recruited Robby Krieger and John Densmore -- they are just suddenly rehearsing together. And for a movie supposedly about the Doors, it spends too much time on Morrison's poetry and too little on the music. One thing I love about the Doors, something crucial to their unique sound, is the interplay between Manzarek's organ and Krieger's guitar.

Maybe I missed it, but I was surprised that "Peace Frog" wasn't used in the movie. That song includes lyrics about the film's opening scene, where a young Morrison (played by Stone's son) sees the aftermath of a highway accident involving a truckload of Indians. It also takes a jab at New Haven, site of another incident in the movie.

Stone actually does pretty good commentaries for his movies, not the rambling, butt-kissing fluff one hears on a lot of commentary tracks. One quibble: Stone is a little foggy about the band's last two albums, Morrison Hotel and L.A. Woman. It seemed to me that he combined them in his head. Most obviously he said "Roadhouse Blues" was on their last album, but it led off Morrison Hotel. Up to that point, his recollection of the band's discography was pretty accurate.

Of course, I had a refresher course last night, listening to some records I haven't heard in many years. I was a Doors fan in high school (mid-late 1980s). More accurately, I was a 1960s fan in high school. I still have a huge collection of music from 1966-1970, most of it on vinyl. My wife is impressed with my knowledge of the Doors and other music from that era, but I don't know if she really understands how into music I was at the time. My teenage years were spent in my bedroom with the door closed, the turntable spinning record after record for hours on end. That's where all my extra money went -- to buy more records. Some people look at my 800 vinyl LPs and say I wasted my money, but hey, at least I wasn't buying booze or drugs.

Labels: movies, music

- posted by David Johnsen @ 2:23 AM 0 comments

 
Taking the Netflix Plunge
We're finally doing it. I'm sick of Blockbuster's disingenuous "no late fee" program (where they charge you for purchasing the movie if you keep it too long, then charge a "service fee" if you return it -- just a late fee with a new name). I'm also tired of the limited selection in video stores because I have eclectic interests (most of the mainstream movies I've reviewed here were procured by my wife). Which brings me to another reason -- my wife is always the one who goes to the video store, so I don't even get to see what they have.

I signed up for Netflix early on Wednesday, and we got our first DVDs Thursday afternoon. My first three selections, just based on what popped into my head to order:

1. Be More Cynical, a Bill Maher stand-up routine - Not that I need any help being cynical, but I just finished reading his hilarious New Rules book. The video was good, but I liked the book better.
2. Black on Broadway, a Lewis Black stand-up routine - You can see a pattern here. I love stand-up comedy, I don't have cable TV, and video stores never have much stand-up (though thank goodness my wife was able to find a DVD of the late, great Bill Hicks last year), so I will be ordering a lot of stand-up from Netflix. This was about what I expected, and I really enjoy everything I've heard from Black.
3. La Dolce Vita, the legendary Federico Fellini film - My wife never found this in a video store, but I have a hunch she was looking in the wrong place (it's probably in the foreign section). Anyway, I have wanted to see this since I heard the Bob Dylan song "Motorpsycho Nightmare," which I think is one of my mom's favorites:

   Then in comes his daughter
   Whose name was Rita.
   She looked like she stepped out
   of La Dolce Vita.

   Then my wife bought (yes, bought, mainly because she couldn't find any Rat Pack videos for rent) 4 For Texas, a lame, predictable movie notable for the buxom Anita Ekberg, who also stars in, yep, La Dolce Vita. By now you're waiting to hear my verdict... but we haven't watched it yet.

Anyone who knows me knows that I intend to get my money's worth out of this, so it should come as no surprise that I already returned two DVDs so I can get more early next week. I spent hours putting together a queue of about 65 DVDs, mostly classic movies, stand-up comedy, and Saturday Night Live compilations. Maybe someday I'll let my wife pick a movie or two as well. I told her she can't go to Blockbuster anymore.

UPDATE 03/08/2006 - I never mentioned that we finally watched La Dolce Vita a few days later. It's very, uh, foreign. When people talk about foreign films being strange, this is what they mean. Cinematically it was good, and I can see why directors are impressed with Fellini, but I couldn't follow the story; I just didn't get it. Neither did my wife. In that sense it was disappointing, but on the other hand, at least now I think I know what Bob Dylan was talking about.

Labels: movies

- posted by David Johnsen @ 12:08 AM 0 comments

 
Finally Figured Out Brokeback Mountain
I've been having a lot of fun with this movie. I was rolling on the floor as Craig Ferguson impersonated attempts at gay cowboy movies by actors through the ages (Tom Mix, John Wayne, Clint Eastwood). I laughed as that guy from The Producers did a brief musical of the film on David Letterman's show, not to mention the parody with the grizzly prospectors on Saturday Night Live. I've made my share of jokes, too, as my wife will attest. I tell her I want to go see it, but I want to take the best man from our wedding along. Maybe put a hand on his knee at the right moment...

I was disappointed when I learned that the movie wasn't about Old West cowboys. Inspired, I announced to my wife that I was going to write a screenplay about a couple of amorous cowpokes on a cattle drive in the 1880s and make big bucks. My brother even liked the idea, adding that just because I write the screenplay doesn't mean I have to see the film it becomes. Alas, my wife forbade me, no matter how much it would pay. You can see why I'm the one who manages the finances around here.

While I have enjoyed making fun of Brokeback Mountain, at the same time I was curious about its allure. Surely this movie was about more than just bringing Hollywood out of the closet, so to speak. Rather than watching the movie (sorry, not gonna happen), I read half a dozen reviews. Apparently it's the best love story released this past year regardless of the "controversy."

Today I had an epiphany -- Brokeback Mountain is the ideal chick flick. It's a touching romance that women can cry over, while at the same time guys who don't want to think about two guys doing it have a perfect excuse not to watch it! Even most of us straight guys who aren't anti-gay don't want to actually see two guys going at it. But women, particularly those who are into "important" or "artistic" movies (the type who will go see anything that wins an award, even if it is French with Greek subtitles), won't be able to stay away. Few straight guys want to see romantic, emotional, heartbreaking love stories regardless of the genders involved, so Brokeback Mountain doesn't even try to get us to come to the theater. Brilliant! Straight guys should be begging for movies like this -- send the women off to watch the gay whatever movie (construction workers, cops, the whole range of Village People) so the men can play touch football or engage in some other ambiguously homoerotic male bonding.


Despite my disinterest in romantic stuff noted above, I must say that last night's episode of How I Met Your Mother was pretty darn romantic. And Ashley Williams was pretty darn hot besides. This is one of the few television shows that I admire as a writer. The ultimate was the "urinating in public" episode -- I'm still trying to figure out the thought process of how they threaded those plots together.

UPDATE - 01/31/2006 - While author Annie Proulx was inspired by Wyoming's Bighorn Mountains, it turns out that Brokeback Mountain was actually shot in Alberta. Ugh, there's another reason not to go see it (no offense to Alberta, but I love Wyoming).

Labels: movies

- posted by David Johnsen @ 1:38 AM 7 comments

 
Two Problems with The 40 Year-Old Virgin
Overall, I liked The 40 Year-Old Virgin. I mean, it's from a predictable genre, but it had some good laughs. It was worth seeing once. There were, however, two issues in this movie that really irritated me.

First, some characters in the movie make Andy (Steve Carell) out to be a loser because he doesn't have a car and rides a bike instead. Riding a bike doesn't make you a loser, a failure, or a virgin. Neither does not owning a car. There were years when I had a successful business and a six-figure income, and I didn't own a car. And guess what? I got laid too! Sometimes the auto-centrism of our society gets on my nerves. It's as if you're "nothing" without a car. Hardly.

Second, the movie demonizes pornography. When Andy's girlfriend finds the porn that his friend gave him, she wigs out and asks if he's a freak (or weirdo, whatever) just because he has porn. Sheesh, lady, grow up. It's a $12 billion industry, and there just aren't enough freaks out there to be spending that much. Come on, it wasn't even freaky porn, it was just regular stuff (I'd give examples of freaky, but my mom reads this blog). One more thing: if Andy had been a porn consumer prior to that fateful card game when his inexperience was revealed, he probably would have been able to bluff his way through it instead. Any Penthouse Letters story would have worked in that situation (unless one of the other guys had read that letter before!).

Labels: bicycling, movies, porn

- posted by David Johnsen @ 7:26 PM 0 comments

 
One Last Complaint About Lost In Translation
Two months ago, I wrote about how I didn't like Lost In Translation. Today I saw the soundtrack on Usenet, so I downloaded it just to see if a certain song, perhaps the best thing about the whole goofy movie, was on it. Remember the song that was playing in the strip club? I thought it was hilarious. Well, save your money, folks, because it is not on the soundtrack.

Labels: movies

- posted by David Johnsen @ 11:41 AM 1 comments

 
Movies I Just Don't Understand
I don't watch many movies. In fact, my wife and I have seen only three movies in theaters since we met in 1997. Every so often she rents a movie or two, and after much arm-twisting, she gets me to sit and watch them with her. Last Tuesday she rented two of the supposedly best movies of last year, Lost In Translation and Mystic River. We finally watched them last night.

Lost In Translation was just goofy. Sure, the slices of Japanese culture were amusing, and Bill Murray was funny sometimes. On the other hand, it was just a sad and pathetic picture about unhappy people. If I wanted to see unhappy people, I would have taken a picture of myself on Wednesday morning. I won't complain about all the scenes of Scarlett Johansson in her underwear, though--I'll give it at least two stars for that and the cool song that was playing in the "gentleman's club" scene. Anyway, the worst part was the end. Without giving anything away, I'll say that Murray whispers something. We rewound the tape twice (no point having a DVD player to watch a dozen flicks a year), but we still couldn't figure it out. Perhaps more frustratingly, I could figure out the first few words and the last few words, but obviously the "meat" of his statement was the part in between. That was the icing on this absurd cake. It wasn't a bad movie, but I just didn't "get" it.

After a break to watch some depressing news on TV, it was time for Mystic River. When that movie was over, all I could say was, "Man, that's f***ed up!" I'll grant that the movie was shot well, and the characters were believable and well-developed. There were a number of interesting twists, although I figured out "whodunnit" long before my wife (which may not bode well for her chances of being a detective someday, but that's another story). Mystic River was "a tragedy of errors"--there were so many times when I expected a character to say something that would have cleared everything up, but those lines were never spoken. There were also some holes in the movie, places where I could have written the screenplay better. While I predicted the end result of the film, well, it was just f***ed up. It left me with a lot of questions and difficulty falling asleep.

I told my wife she should rent Mystic Pizza next time.

Labels: movies

- posted by David Johnsen @ 8:40 PM 0 comments